The thief of joy

I've started to consider my miscarriage as a thief of joy. I don't mean that I don't encounter happiness, or have joyful moments. More that my overwhelming feeling right now is an absence of joy. A feeling of grief, and an acute awareness of everything I have 'lost'; everything I am missing out on because of the death of my tiny baby.

Drawing closer to God

I find it easier to draw close to God in times of pain and difficulty. I know this probably sounds weird. It's as if during the good times, life itself is enough to sustain me, but when things get tough I need to search for something more. I need more than life itself just to get me through the day. And I usually look to God.

Through the tears

The moment all the prayers for joy came flooding back to me was around 5 weeks ago. I was standing in the shower, and my whole being was filled with happiness. It felt like everything I'd ever wanted was coming true. Here I was, going about my day, marvelling at the miracle of life. I was growing a tiny human.