Please, just talk to me about the weather. 

If there's one thing I've taken from my journey to parenthood so far, it's not to ask people when they will be having kids.

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The thief of joy

I've started to consider my miscarriage as a thief of joy. I don't mean that I don't encounter happiness, or have joyful moments. More that my overwhelming feeling right now is an absence of joy. A feeling of grief, and an acute awareness of everything I have 'lost'; everything I am missing out on because of the death of my tiny baby.

Drawing closer to God

I find it easier to draw close to God in times of pain and difficulty. I know this probably sounds weird. It's as if during the good times, life itself is enough to sustain me, but when things get tough I need to search for something more. I need more than life itself just to get me through the day. And I usually look to God.

Through the tears

The moment all the prayers for joy came flooding back to me was around 5 weeks ago. I was standing in the shower, and my whole being was filled with happiness. It felt like everything I'd ever wanted was coming true. Here I was, going about my day, marvelling at the miracle of life. I was growing a tiny human.